Menostop..

So I’ve been doing the menopause bit for couple of weeks now and regretfully found that the only people who actually genuinely laughed at it were menopausal women…

Well, I couldn’t let this kind of marketing research go to waste, so I said fuck it, and took my act on a Florida retirement home tour.

I was doing the menopause bit at the Del Boca Vista the other night and after the show these two EMTs, who seemed to be just loitering, walked up to me and one dude was like “man, your act killed!”..

And I was like.. “thanks man.. “.. but then he was like, “no really, 4 people died while you were up there”…

Menopause..

So my mom hit menopause and to my dismay announced it to me.

I really didn’t want to, but I had to step to the plate, and notify her of the fact that her doctors were lying to her.

The truth is, there will be no menoresume.

They should just stop lying to us and call things for what they are!

Menopause is not a pause – it’s a menostop!

It’s good to be second.. or is it?!

Well.. looks like Santorum lost Michigan, but that’s not why I’m drunk-blogging (i.e. celebrating)

Did you know that water is the most common substance on Earth.. Of course you did, otherwise you would not be visiting this site..

But a less commonly known fact is that sand is the second most common substance on Earth. It’s true – look it up!

This fits the outcome of tonight’s presidential primary creepily well..

Romney is like water – won’t stay still on any issue.

Santorum is like sand – coarse and annoying once it gets in your pants.

Anal Reverberation

a-styleFor some time now, I have been working on mastering a technique to conceal public flatulence. Silent but violent is an expulsion that has the silence factor going for it. However, sometimes noise is unavoidable, and therefore, one must possess the proper technique to trick the nearby listener into displacing the source location of the perceived noise.

Unsurprisingly, the trick lies in proper muscle inflection of the sphincter during gas expulsion. The result is a noise that appears to be coming from far away – an effect that is called Anal Reverberation. No one can be told what Anal Reverberation is… One has to find out for themselves. (Hint: Anal Reverberation does not require penetration). A-Style Logo humorous but unrelated.

Keeping Wall Street Occupied Video

A few days ago, a distinctly color coordinated gentleman posted a video on YouTube about how the Occupy Wall Street supporters or general Wall street opponents can get back at their Wall Street foes. The clever technique involves sending junk mail in the supplied self-addressed pre-stamped first class envelopes back to the mailer. As a result, those junk mailers like Golden Sachs and Fannie Mae will lose some money and understand that they are evil.

Keep Wall Street Occupied Video

But I think there may be something in this scheme for the U.S. Postal Service. Since USPS is on the verge of bankruptcy due to decreased volumes and low margins, they are the ones that could profit from an influx of pre-stamped first-class mail. Not to mention, by having the increased mail going to the same locations, the margins on the added influx are higher too. Cha-Ching!

Save USPS people!

Double You

Duuuude!

I was staring at my blacklight poster last night and all of a sudden BAM! Duude, why is letter ‘W’ called double U?! Are people blind?! It is clearly a double V. It even follows V in the alphabet, which makes a helluva lot more sense.. First you got your V. But since that’s not enough, you follow it up with a double V.

From now on.. es, tee, you, vee, double-vee, ex, why, zee..

 

Analysis: Amanda Knox Verdict Weighs on Stocks

The market took a turn for the worse today, as investors awaited the verdict in the Amanda Knox (aka Foxxy Knoxxy) murder trial part deux.

One jittery investor was quoted as saying: “All this uncertainty surrounding the trial and the verdict is just too much too handle.”

Another, speculated whether the length of the Knox prison sentence would become the prime indicator of when the economy is actually going to recover: ”26 years is just too long of an investment horizon for the retiring baby boomers. We’ve seen a massive flight from risk in recent days especially after unconvincing testimony by Amanda.”

Meanwhile, across the street, one of the Brooklyn Bridge protesters kept screaming “Guilty!” while carrying a sign that read “We will knox you down!”